Valentines Special…Internet Dating

Are you ready?

Are you ready for the mysterious world of internet dating? I was 47 when I subscribed to Match which had a reputation for being a sensible, mainstream website. However, the moment I saw all the men's profiles jumping out at me, I froze. In a panic, I frantically looked around to see how to close the account. My hands were shaking envisaging dodgy men sending me dodgy messages. That's how my irrational mind worked, I was convinced that's how internet dating worked. What can I say, other than I obviously wasn't ready for internet dating.
Fast forward a year and I no longer had sweaty shaking hands, or had to take a couple of 'calms' to control my panic when I registered. I was ready for all those gorgeous single men.

Where to begin?

Before anything else you need to decide what type of man your looking for, because It's mind boggling the choices available. There are apps for long term relationships or casual flings, mature people, or even just friendships. How about dating only country men or searching for a religious belief based site? They're all available.

Do your research beforehand...you don't want to end up on a 'cougar' based site, with lot's of younger men messaging you - on the other hand maybe you do!

couple, young couple, love

Are profile descriptions 100% accurate?

In answer to the question...they probably need to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Once you've narrowed down your choice of dating site and registered, your eye has hopefully been drawn to one or two gorgeous men and you're keen to learn more about them - cue their profile descriptions. What you need to prepare yourself for is they could be slightly embellished. I guess, no one's going to write the worst things about themselves but at the same time there could be a few who go too far in the other direction.

I have shared some tongue in cheek examples of men's profile descriptions versus 'actual meanings.'

man, laptop, work

Hi I’m Pablo, I’m 6ft 2’ and love socialising.  I enjoy outdoor living and summer sunshine, my photo was taken last year on holiday.


Actually means he’s 5ft  2’, socialising means he is permanently drunk, hence the sunglasses.  His idea of outdoor living means naturist and his photo was really taken ten years before which is why he's chosen a photo at a distance.

bodybuilder, abs, man

Hi I’m Brian and I’m 49.  I like to take good care of myself, I enjoy sport and working out at the gym. I have a good sense of humour and am looking to for a genuine lady to share my life with.


Actually means add 10 years on, he’s 59.  His idea of exercise involves lifting cans of beer whilst watching Match of the Day.  His idea of GSOH is laughing when he passes wind loudly, and as for his genuine lady, it’s highly like to mean big boobs that are genuinely real.

Ok, so these are completely extreme comparisons but you get the gist. I confess when I was looking for my Mr Right, my profile boasted that I jogged and went salsa dancing.  To be fair that was true but I'd sprained my ankle having attempted trampolining and wasn't able to do either for quite some time. As for common complaints about women's profile photos, apparently a lot of them are filtered with bunny ears! Surely not!

Dating-Memes5

 

All through the whole dating process, be yourself.  Keep your photos and profiles real, and be authentic because you will get found out if the description or photo's are so far from the truth. Be warned

fish, doodle, drawing

Chatting

"Chatting should be fun and where you get a vibe of someone's personality.  You'll soon know if there's spark or if it's yawn city!  If I received a message starting 'hi, how are you?' or 'how are you finding internet dating' I would instantly think boring. Why not start with something like 'Your profile says you don't like chocolate ice cream, but do you like chocolate....it's a dealbreaker?' Ok it might be a bit cringe but It's cheeky and shows you've got more to say.

 

Always go with your gut instinct.

You'll soon get a feeling if there's a connection and you're ready to move on to exchanging telephone numbers...and MEETING.

Did you know that on average people in the UK spend £28.45 on Valentines Day?

This is it...

You've registered, you've moved past the exaggerated profile, you've chatted and NOW, it's your IRL moment!   Here are a few first date tips which might help along the way:

Choose a public place you both like and are familiar with...

Make sure friends or family members know where you're meeting and even get them to text you to make sure you're alright...

Give yourself confidence and dress to impress...

Arrive on time & don't try to be dramatic making a late entrance...

Have some Icebreaker conversations in case of any nervous silences...

Listen to your date and show interest in them...

Flirt, smile and charm your date with your wit but be careful that your date gets your humour and it doesn't back fire...

When the date is coming to an end don't be a afraid to indicate you'd like to meet again or say you how much you enjoyed the date.  However, if you don't want to meet again, be gentle...

couple, love, like

Happily Ever After...?

You've met and had your first date and.....

Hopefully, it went well and if he turns out to be 'the one.' then that's amazing, if he isn't, then you know from the dating sites, there are plenty more fish in the sea.  For me, I was internet dating on and off for nearly two years and met some good men but unfortunately, just not compatible. However, I was finally lucky enough to find myself an amazing man who understands my 'quirks.'

That's what I learnt most on my internet dating journey.  Everyone has 'quirks' and everyone is unique and without sounding very cliche, you may have to kiss a few frogs before finding your prince whose quirks matches yours. Until then, try to relax and don't let it overtake your life. Enjoy!

One last thing....

I remember chatting with my first internet date and I was buzzing with excitement.  A few days before we were supposed to meet he went quiet, in fact he disappeared.  I was puzzled more than anything and when I told my teenage daughter about this, she blithely commented 'oh, you've been ghosted!' I couldn't help wonder what parallel universe I had stumbled into. It turned out there were a lot more words and phrases I'm more familiar with.  Here are a few:

influencer, writing, girl

  • Breadcrumbing   Someone who sends messages sporadically for a number of reasons: maybe they don’t know how to break things of or it could be they simply like the attention and an ego boost.  If they don’t want to move on from texting….you could be left a trail of breadcrumbs
  • Catfishing   Someone who creates a fake profile to trick you into believing they’re someone else
  • Cuffing (season) - During the time of year when it’s cold and opportunities to meet other singletons are fewer (desperate)?
  • DTR - Define the relationship; ie, you’re officially a couple and are exclusively seeing each other OR more casual, friends with benefits and still open to seeing each other (Why, would you…..yuk)!
  • Ghosting -  When you are ceremoniously dumped by someone you’ve been messaging, even to the point of meeting up and they mysteriously disappear (it certainly left me scratching my ahead)
  • IRL - Simple…..when you finally get to meet the person you’ve been chatting to 'In real life'
  • Slow fading - Similar to Ghosting but just gradually fading with messages
  • zombieing - When a ghoster suddenly appears back on the scene and starts messaging as if back from the dead

Thank you for reading another post and as always....have fun, stay safe and enjoy xx